She’s down for a nap. It’s an exciting moment, when I creep out of the nursery having completed a succesful ‘5 minute check’. Still asleep, still swaddled, pacifier still in place. I could have anywhere from 25 to 90 minutes of blissful silence, even freedom.

Nap time presents me with a decision-making dilemma several times per day. The moment she falls asleep, the chaos of baby gear that has overwhelmed my home becomes more obvious to me. The empty cups and coffee mugs, water bottles, receiving blankets, and exciting colorful baby toys are all asking for their permanent homes. The same moment is often the most tired moment of my day, where I hear many wise voices in my head saying “Sleep when your baby sleeps…”

My dilemmas (aka internal to-do list):

  • Make the bed? Change the sheets? Leave it for my helpful assistant to take care of this afternoon?
  • Look in the fridge to see what I could make for dinner? Is my hubby going to be home in time for dinner? If I make dinner I’ll have to clean up the mess, maybe we should just order pizza?
  • Make another cup of coffee? How much water have I had today? I’ll settle on both. (be right back!)
  • Coffee time makes me want to check Facebook and BabyCenter for updates. And my personal email.
  • Checking email was a bad idea. Jones Design Co posted a list of her favorite blogs. I could seriously get lost!! There goes my weekend!! Do I need more inspiration? Or do I need to finish some of the million things I have already started?
  • I’ve sworn off Pinterest until I get my life schedule back under control! My favorite way to lose time EVER.
  • I’m using one of my fave-o coffee mugs from my sis: Do Something Creative Every Day. I should do something creative today.  Make wipee cases for my girlfriends? Finish my friend’s birthday present? When am I going to finish my maternity album? When will I start Chloe’s scrapbook? Before scrapping, I need to clean off my scrap table. Maybe I should do that. If I’m going to clean a desk, shouldn’t I do the kitchen desk with the bills before I clean my creative space?
  • Speaking of albums, I need to redo the Shutterfly album that was lost when my internet cut out during the save process. (grrrrr) Maybe I’ll do that again tonight after she goes to bed? She’s 2 months old, I should have her newborn album finished and ordered by now!
  • I wonder when the last time was that I wrote down her milestones. I should check that. Where did I put that notebook?
  • I should also have my wedding album ordered. That’s 2 years overdue. I wonder if I’ll ever get that done.

Back to reality. Chloe is way off her schedule today. She napped at 8:30 and 11:30 instead of her usual 9:30 and 1:00. Will she sleep longer than the usual 30 to 45 minutes? I’d love to have some extra time to think about all of this. I can do a lot of things while she’s awake, but one thing I have difficulty doing is thinking. It seems that the moment I get on a good thought process, she needs or wants something, or worse is happy but is silent and I freak out and run to see what she’s doing. First time mommyhood is a trip. Ok what was I thinking about? Thoughts about prioritizing items on my to-do list.

There is too much stuff in my house. If I just pick one thing, like one single kitchen drawer, and spend the next 15 minutes cleaning it out, I will make progress toward my ultimate goal of a neat, tidy, organized, clutter-free, well-decorated, warm and welcoming home. I get stuck choosing the first thing, like a writer on the first line of a book. I want an outline for how I’m going to get the whole house done. And better, how I’m going to get my whole life done. Part of me believes that once I get my house tidy, the rest of my life will become tidy. I have the same issue with my closet: I want it to be neat, tidy, organized, free of clothes that don’t fit or look bad on me, and filled with clothes that are easy for me to put on and feel like I’m representing myself.

…and she’s up! More thoughts on another day.